QUESTIONS

As I have turned inward, with this ‘lung disease’ and been tethered to the oxygen machine, my days have become mostly quiet and introspective.

My body, however, continues to send me messages. I have noticed that when talking with friends, if they are speaking only partial truth about how they feel, like ‘everything is just great’, one of two things usually happens in me. Either I start itching frantically on my arm or ankle – any skin that isn’t covered. Or I tear at my cuticles.

I never connected this behavior to the source until just now.

As a kid, I was quite sensitive. I was always nervous around the house. I used to chew my fingernails down to the quick and believed I was allergic to grass because I itched most of the time at home.

I believe all kids are sensitive and intuitive. That they know when a parent is not being honest with them. That they know how they are feeling, even when being told otherwise.

The place in which I found solace was outdoors, in the woods or with the farm animals. It was there I felt at peace.

I was not raised with any formal religion, so I didn’t know why I felt such comfort or what to even call it. From this perspective, I can see I was in the presence of Spirit or God or Universe or Lifeforce or Energy.

At this age, I feel truly blessed. I have lived a good life. I have met wonderful people; lived in Europe for a year as well as several other places; had great adventures, and now find myself in a sweet house, with the kittens, my horse twelve minutes away, and many friends of all different varieties. 

    

So, it brings me to a question about Blessings. Where do they come from? Who gives them out? Who do you have to be to deserve them?

Is there a plan for my life? Where does Love enter in? Is loving and respecting myself the way to honor Spirit? To love Spirit’s creations as we are all sentient beings. Is it love that I found as a kid-with the trees and animals?

Is Love the same as Spirit or God?

As one can clearly see

I am just full of questions as I stumble toward healing and Faith.