A basic human need is to seek connection. One way we find it is in friendships.
There are situational friendships – drawn together by a shared passion.
Those created out of an intense experience – a disaster or a shared, deeply emotional experience.
Those crafted and committed to over the years that last a lifetime.
Marriage is a different kind of connection. It has rules and norms.
Family relationships also set up (unspoken) rules.
In friendships, there are no rules, no agreements. They are all built on hope and assumptions.
No one tells us how to negotiate the relationship when differences appear – which they will do.
I heard a new word the other day; ‘ghosting’ for when a friend simply disappears. These are the most painful as one never knows the reason.
Several days ago, I sent a photo taken, three years ago, of two friends.
One responded, “That feels like a lifetime ago.” I agree.
The pandemic has changed everything. It was/is a traumatic event we all share. This collective experience has changed every one of us. We are all different as a result. We have discovered new parts of ourselves out of the fear and isolation.
We try to return to the relationship as it was ‘before’, and things aren’t flowing the way they used to. My friends have run the spectrum from becoming reclusive to overly busy. One, has appeared to have slid into some form of dementia. Several have become erratic in what used to be an easy, effortless communication stream.
In each instance, my experience is one of a level of disconnection and confusion.
What is your personal experience with your friendships now? Do you notice any difference either in yourself or others?
I am concerned with my own myopia on this subject, so I truly welcome your thoughts.
Stories & Pictures 
My own experiences are similar to yours – friends who turned inward and narcissistic, others who dove into their work, trying to make keep their businesses afloat, those who ignored the needs of friends and family around them. And then there are the friends or family who got Covid; some survived and some did not. It’s been a horrible time for our nation, our world. The strife and discord has made for many sleepless nights for us all. Nothing will be normal again. I’m feeling fortunate to have survived this long. I think we all need to give ourselves a lot of forgiveness. We all (including the narcissists…maybe more so than others) have done what we have needed to do to survive, emotionally and physically. Much love to you Elizabeth. If there’s anything I can do to help you feel more connected or loved, I’m here. (On a rock in the middle of the ocean, but I’m here in all other ways).
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Thank you – I believe you are right. We all are doing the very best we can in a situation that has never happened before xoxox
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Beautiful Elizabeth. I agree, friendships change and shift for so many reasons, some good, some well thought out, others just drift apart or fall apart. Maybe it’s nothing at all to do with the friends involved, just life changes, other focused areas or even just simply…time differences. Lovely blog, happy to have had time to rest, read, and enjoy this evening.
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I agree, Cary. Friendships are all part of a much larger and mysterious picture.
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Elizabeth, I am just now seeing this. The sensitivity of your photographs and words continue to leave me breathless!
Much love, Judy b
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Thank you – old friend and mighty fine writer 🙂
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