QUIET

After two sleepless weeks, I’m finally able to rest.

Each day I practice a body centered meditation; simply sensing where there is discomfort/contraction in my physical, emotional, and mental self. Now, as I check internally, there is only quiet. I feel at peace.

Still, when I must drive the interstate and road raggers in speeding trucks whiz by me, my stomach clenches.

When I approach a frightened horse, my shoulders creep up toward my ears

When I hear a tragic story of someone’s health, or learn of the loss of a pet, I cannot contain my tears.

When someone goes off on a political or vaccination rant I break out in a sweat and feel my jaw clench.

When I realize that everything I need has increased in price by 20 to 25 percent, my mind freaks out and I try to choose where to cut spending.

Somehow, in a meditation, I am able to release all of the tension and trust the direction my life is taking.

When I go up to bed a quiet settles over me. I feel peaceful and still.

(I am fully aware that I write from a place of a privileged white, middle-class person. I am not struggling as are the people of color, migrants, or the working poor. I know I am blessed to be born in this country and not in Ethiopia or Sudan or Belarus. Nevertheless, I can only write my experience.)

So, I wonder if I am getting a clean slate.

An opportunity to recreate myself again, much as I did when I moved to Colorado twenty two years ago..

Is it possible to live with more joy and health? Less worry and sadness?

This feeling may all come crashing down, but I’ll write about that as well.