Winter’s Surprise

Posted on by Septuagenarian in Nourishment

I wrote my last post with all confidence that I would nestle into winter’s grace and imagine what new creative endeavors were in store for me in the spring.

I bought a hiking guide for the forest trails of the Berkshires in anticipation of heading to Massachusetts in the summer.

I used to guffaw at this joke. “You want to make God laugh?

Tell her your plan!” Not so funny when it’s me!

My surprise came with an annual exam with my PCP. Shortness of breath being my main concern. By the end of it I was reminded of a diagnosis three years earlier of “Interstitial Lung Disease” which I conveniently forgot.

My lung capacity was 72% then and is now 65%. The prognosis was 3 to 5 years of life. I had already used up 3 of those 5. I went into shock.

I Immediately started on oxygen 24/7. (Luckily the ‘brain fog’ I was experiencing was also a side effect of the lack of oxygen and it has cleared up – amazingly.)

The pulmonologist told me that the cause for the diminished lung capacity is not known. The only way to determine treatment is to do a lung biopsy of the ‘cloudy tissue’.

So that is where I live right now……waiting for a hospital bed to open up. Waiting for the thoracic surgeon’s availability.

I feel as though I have crossed a threshold. Being tethered to a green tube all day at home has made me slow down. I must be aware of each step, so I don’t trip.

Every task is measured: will the tubing reach that far? Are the kittens playing with it? How long can I go without O2 before I feel as though I’ll start wobbling? I have learned the length of time a tank of portable O2 lasts – not long.

I am feeling much more kind about and toward myself. The things that used to clutter my thoughts seem irrelevant now: Extra weight, wrinkles, flabby arms.

Questions I do ask myself: Should I still buy giant quantities of stuff like toilet paper and laundry soap that I may never finish?

This is not at all the way I envisioned these months and it’s what I’ve got.

Treasure each breath you have.

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Published by Septuagenarian

14 thoughts on “Winter’s Surprise”

  1. Dear Septuagenarian E,
    I am unhappy about what you are going through. It’s sounds like a true test of strength – mental and physical.
    I agree it would be easy and convenient to forget about diagnose of lungs, unless breathing was something one needed to think about doing each day. I’m trying to picture you riding with an oxygen tank on the horse with you! Perhaps you won’t need to use one for much longer and can ride without it. I do hope you can get the surgery day soon to find out more, and be on the recovery side.
    I am making a twin bed quilt here for a granddaughter. I think I’ll finish the top this weekend and someone is going to quilt the 3 layers together for me. We’ve had a cold winter, colder than some, and of course snow but at least half of January was bare ground here. We have about 8″ now. Take care, Love, T

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  2. Such beautiful pictures! Thank you for sharing this Elizabeth. You have been in my thoughts and in my heart 💗 every day. You have been and will always be an inspiration, a pillar of courage and strength! We stand beside you with love and support as you walk this journey. Love, Rita and Kado

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  4. Awwwwww, E. Yes, amazingly beautiful pictures from such an amazingly beautiful woman. I love you, Elizabeth. Buy the toilet paper.

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  5. Elizabeth,
    Im with Jeanne. Buy the TP. You never know.. I had a 5-10 (probably less) yr diagnosis 4 years ago and fell into some crazy luck after failing multiple treatments and was running out of options… one special infusion that has been keeping everything at bay and letting me forget (like you did for those years). I know it will rear up again and start bucking life. Then the only thing to do is one foot in front of the next… Thank you for sharing. Love you so much.

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  7. Dearest E, The Callaway sisters are with you! I smile every time I think of our joke about that Hallmark commercial featuring the single “older lady” Mrs. Callaway
    when you and my cousins Marilyn and Peggy visited me in 1998 and we were 4 single ladies at the time. I even wrote down the names that we chose—Gladys, Lil, Nell, and Irene. Your visit to Montana and Yellowstone with me all those years ago when I was freshly divorced and broken was one of the great blessings of my life. Thank you for the laughter, for helping to mend my soul, and for helping me reinvent myself! Your words and photography are so beautiful. I am sending positive energy and healing thoughts your way! Much love, Sally

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    1. Oh Sally – yes that was a trip of a lifetime. We laughed so darn much! And we were all freshly divorced except Peggy. It would be so fun to see all of you again in Montana. If I get through this, maybe we can :
      Much love to you – Mrs. Callaway

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  8. I’ve been putting off commenting. What to say? To this shocking, depressing news. Yet you were strong enough to write about it. So, I must say something. I’m very sorry you have this new challenge. But I love your poignant, candid, essay about it and your reactions to it. Exactly what a blog should do, make your readers and friends THINK. Your thoughts about buying Costco quantities are exactly the same as my own, even though, at 75 I am blessedly healthy. How many things can go wrong to hasten me (us) to the end? I’ve been thinking about my decades-old routines of buying multiple quantities of lots of life’s necessities because it is more “cost efficient”, but is it now, really? When my niece goes through my things when I’m gone, I want her to focus on what to do with my photos, not what to do with the toilet paper!! And what is the difference between being told “you may have 5 years left” versus “you may have 5 or 10 years or more”, but you’ll be in your 80’s and 90’s so who knows what your quality of life will be?
    This comment is rambling. I’m having trouble expressing what I’m thinking. I’ve lost track of where you live now. Are you still in Denver? or are you near your horses? I remember so fondly the time we got together to discuss cameras and photography. Perhaps we could do that again? I would love to talk to you in person during these terrible times (globally and personally!). Let me know.

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    1. Dear Barbara – thank you for your kind words. It was a lot to take in. I did buy the TP! I live in Broomfield, 12 minutes from my horse. Between Luna and my two cats, they have been my solace through all of this. I am feeling hopeful and believe we will have time to, once again, discuss photography 🙂

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