spiral

As you know by now, my stories have revealed that I am in a constant process of discovering why I respond to the world the way I do. It is all in service of further unraveling the mystery of my interior constellation.

I know when facing tough issues from my past, feeling the pain of the attendant memories, and gaining an understanding of the source, is the way I walk the path of my own development.

Usually, when the emotional storm has passed, I feel a ‘whew’ as in ‘I got through that painful experience’; the assumption being ‘I won’t have to deal with that issue again,

I’m healed’.

When the issue inevitably shows up again, I was always surprised. Yet, over the years I have finally realized all healing paths follow a spiral-type of process.

What looks like failure to me is not really true.

I am simply revisiting an old wound but at a deeper level.

I continued to sign up for these ‘experiences’ as it is an essential part of nurturing my interior world and, hopefully, cultivating wisdom.

I am now learning that physical healing follows this similar, circular path.

For weeks I have felt ‘healed’. My breathing was easier. My energy and positive attitudes were back. I had returned to the saddle, although riding in a Zen fashion – slowly and incorporating deep breathing.

Several days ago, I hit a wall. I am tired and short of breath. My initial reaction was a feeling of failure in my healing journey.

Yet, with help, I have come to understand I’m on the Spiral,

revisiting the same ‘issue’ at a deeper level.

So, I will continue with the qigong practice and Pilates. I am using the oxygen again to assist my lungs and doing the best I can to trust in this process without giving in to feeling discouraged.

I have a pulmonologist appointment in 3 weeks. I had hoped he, and the fresh CT scan, would validate the lung healing and the renewed energy I felt inside. But now, I don’t know.

I simply have to trust in the process of the spiral and have faith I am on a healing path.

I hope you have enjoyed the photographs.

Have a blessed Easter.