paradigm ***

A standard, perspective, or set of ideas. A paradigm is a way of looking at something.

(The images are simply ones that show the fun I have when doing photography. They have little to do with this story. There are captions under most of them. If you don’t feel like reading – enjoy the pictures. 😊)

“COLORADO GOLD”

My mother used to say “Back in the olden days…” just before she shared a pearl of wisdom.

My ‘olden days’ are now the 1970’s and 80’s, when an idea called The Human Potential Movement came to the fore. A plethora of workshops promised faster personal development than the old method of talk therapy or psychoanalysis. The implied promise was that by fully participating in these experiential workshops, one would understand her patterns of behavior and in bringing them to the ‘light of consciousness’, could release them and be transformed to enjoy an enlightened existence. If a person didn’t accomplish this transformation, another workshop was always waiting in the wings and was highly recommended.

“OH, HELLO!”

A new paradigm was born.

“VINTAGE APPLE TREE WITH COWS”

My first teacher of said workshops, plagiarized from many sources including Buddhism. He put himself out as a Guru and translated ancient Buddhist teachings into those that served his own purposes. He implied if we ‘did enough work’ on ourselves, we would be ‘enlightened’ and never have to reincarnate on the earth plain again.

“VALLEY MIST”

I was very naïve back then and jumped into this paradigm of self-improvement with both feet. The weekend workshops seemed to offer a way out of my repetitive relationship patterns. At the time his information made sense to my logical mind, and I attended many of them.

“TOSS THE BABY!”

Since then, I have attended varying workshops. Each venue offered the promise of deeper self-awareness. However, the paradigm I had swallowed continued to drive me, with the belief “if I just keep digging deeper into my unconscious behaviors, I will be able to solve all my problems and lead a healthy, creative life.” Over time, this Belief became my unconscious mantra. The implied promise was that I could reach ‘a finish line’ and be healed of all struggle and neuroses.

“A FRIEND I COERCED INTO DONNING A DESIGNER DRESS ON A VINTAGE DUMP TRUCK”

Forty years later, neuroscience and psychological studies have come forth with a new paradigm. It includes acknowledging the wisdom of the body, especially the gut and heart.  It fosters a Belief or Reference Framework of compassion, and kindness toward oneself that has proven to be more effective in fostering personal development and awareness.

“SHE’S PRETTY, MAYBE SHE’LL TALK TO ME”

The old paradigm kept many of us trapped in thinking there was a ‘finish line. That we could solve the issues of life by working harder on ourselves. When taken to the extreme, it was a model based on criticism and shame.

“COAL, A SCOTTISH HIGHLAND COW WITH MY SOCKS”

Personally, I developed a truly vicious inner judge and critic, on my journey to ‘be a better person.’ My Reference Framework remained based in the old paradigm. Just recently, I exacerbated this scenario by trying to wean myself from an SSRI medication I thought I no longer needed. (Believing that after forty years of personal work, surely, I could function without this drug!)

“THE JOY OF TREE JUMPING OUT OF A TREE”

To be fair, I had taken 3 years to reduce the dosage. This year I was down to the lowest dose and moving toward zero. It was devastating. I won’t list all the effects of withdrawal. It was not pretty. After weeks of despair, I stumbled into compassion for myself and the way my brain was wired. I finally accepted that remaining on a small dose was not a sign of failure or weakness. I had no option other than acceptance and kindness toward myself as a practice.

“RAIN ON DANDELION FLUFF”

I have adopted phrases of guidance I received by listening to Elizabeth Gilbert. I printed them out and remind myself each day to embody them as best I can.

“OLD BARN WITH OUTHOUSE”

“The only thing that’s going to get you through this life is loving friendliness toward yourself and everyone.

“Be a gentle steward of your own experience here on Earth.

Learn from a spirit of kindness toward the mind that was given to you.”

“WESTERN WEDDING”

Many of you began this process of Self Actualization when I did. Many of you are nearing my age. I am very interested in any stories of your own process with the old paradigm, either in Comments here or privately via email. I don’t believe I am the only one who “Drank the Cool Aid.” Thank you.

“LONGTIME DEAR FRIEND”

*** This story has taken forever to write. I have read it over and over and it’s not as clear as I want it to be. The words slip around and reform themselves. My story will continue to be less than perfect, but then again, so am I. Also, I own that I am writing from the perspective of White Privilege, which adds a whole other layer.

“A COAT OF MANY COLORS”

-30-