Throughline: 

a common or consistent element or theme shared by parts of a whole

After my story called “Paradigm,” an old friend helped me unwind the threads of the beliefs I had adopted as ‘truth’. The most affirming part of our conversation was her admitting to her own Inner Critic and how she copes with that mean voice in her head.

Then, with time to absorb and process all the ground we covered; a light began to dawn.

I was a terribly innocent kid. I perceived the world and nature with amazement. I observed the objects around me quite literally, as patterns.

It was a world no one else seemed to see as beautiful.

So, I trusted people to help me understand the workings of the world. This innocence rendered me vulnerable to believing the perceptions through the eyes of the bigger, smarter, people. To a degree, this innocence has remained with me throughout my life.

Consequently, when I met my first ‘teacher’, his explanations of why we keep repeating behavior patterns made sense. My mind understood. I believed him.

Along with all the valuable information, however, came more of his ‘truths’. Such as “enlightenment is attainable…just do more workshops and you will be transformed…meditate on my picture for one hour each day to achieve clarity…just get over yourself…enlightenment is the Finish Line!”

All of these perceptions of his became a throughline for me.

Back then, I was seeking answers about why I was so messed up and ultimately unlovable. I was fairly sure if people knew the ‘real me’, they would never like me.

Back to the present, the very next day, I was talking with another dear friend. As I revealed the possibility of a kid-like part of me, her response was, “Of course! You have that child-like sparkle and joy about you. I have always seen it. It’s part of who you are!”

Minutes later, she sent this quote:

“A child’s world is fresh and new and beautiful, full of wonder and excitement. It is our misfortune that for most of us that clear-eyed vision, that true instinct for what is beautiful and awe inspiring is dimmed and even lost before we reach adulthood.

If I had influence with the good fairy who is supposed to preside over the christening of all children, I should ask that her gift to each child in the world would be a sense of wonder so indestructible that it would last throughout life…”

by Rachel Carson, from the book, “The Sense of Wonder

My naiveté, trust, delight, and goofy nature has also been a throughline. I am encouraging it to supersede the old, mean Beliefs.

Wish me luck!

Thank you, Suzan and Clare, for your thoughtful and loving presence in my life.