The Seed 11 /19/24

It all began with an archetype card of that name. The seed contains all the potential of the fully realized plant. Also, at this time it said, ‘pay attention to irritants.’ Like the piece of sand in an oyster, the grit can become a pearl – a treasure.

I had drawn a card for guidance as I anticipated celebrating my way into the week of my 77^th birthday. The universe responded immediately. I realized I was irritated with some of the people closest to me, I mean really annoyed!

I kept trying to figure it out. I knew these people were just being who they have always been, yet when in their presence, I left depressed. I couldn’t find words that were not finger pointing or blaming. I left their company in silence.

The feelings intensified as each day went on, to the point that I awakened on the third day deciding I must be mentally ill; that with all this inner work, I had finally gone over the edge into crazy.

Luckily a friend gave me a birthday call. I couldn’t hold back and poured forth the recent troubling communications and my conclusions.

She listened and said, ‘it is obvious you have been triggered by something.’ She began to ask questions in order to understand the details of ‘the story.’ As I continued to vent my frustrations about this person, my friend pointed out that in my present state, I would not be able to hear any words the person spoke with any accuracy.

I was hearing the words through a very old filter.

As we continued to talk, she pointed out I was experiencing-The Perfect Storm.

As in when all of the worst atmospheric elements combine to create an Atlantic squall capable of killing a person. In this case, the storm was a mother who was so afraid of her kid being hurt, she continually criticized her with advice about what could hurt her and how to avoid it.

I learned rather than try to reason with her, it was wiser to disappear into the woods, to be with the trees and animals, to find comfort.

This perfect stand-in for my mother took the form of the trainer for my beloved companion, the horse I go to when I need solace.

She says she is training my horse in a way that keeps me safe.  It feels demeaning. As my friend helped me see the elements of my perfect storm, relief seeped in. I began to see this person accurately, not as my mother, but as a person who cares for me. Whom I have chosen to give my horse to if I die before she does.

I understand that she plays the role well, but it has nothing to do with me. She is treading her own path. I can now remove the costume of Mother that I have draped over her and see her more clearly. As another human being, doing the best she can with what she knows.

So, there it is, my birthday gift – another unraveling of the complexity we each embody in this experience we call being human. With this awareness, I have been able to scrape away another layer and rediscover the treasure that is within me, my heart.