Name-Calling  7/4/25

In the past six months, a couple of good (now former) friends became angry with me. Each of them engaged in some vitriolic name calling followed by blocking any further communication. Among the mudslinging was a diagnosis of me as a narcissist. Hearing it for a second time, got my attention.

‘What if I am and I just don’t know it?’ I have never thought of myself as self-centered, with feelings of entitlement and lacking in empathy. Those descriptors were all I knew of the characteristics of a narcissist, so I began my research.

In doing so, I discovered the HSP, (Highly Sensitive Person), as well as the way in which their characteristics overlap with the Narcissist.

“While a Narcissist and a Highly Sensitive Person can both be sensitive to others, they differ significantly in their motivations and behaviors. Narcissists are primarily concerned with their own self-importance, needing admiration and lacking empathy, while HSPs are deeply attuned to the world around them, experiencing their emotions intensely and feeling overwhelmed by external stimuli.” * 

More research seemed to point right at me!

“When someone suffers chronically from low self-esteem and depression, it is almost always due to having an insecure adult attachment style, learned in infancy. As children, the love they received was inconsistent and contingent on certain behaviors, so they always had to be on guard to keep their caregivers loving them.” ** Yikes!

Stuff I have never talked about:

Throughout my life, I have felt there was something wrong with me. ‘If people only knew that, they would not like me.’ I presented a competent, outgoing, funny, facade while hiding feelings of sadness, wrapped, like a beautiful pashmina, around my heart.

I began pondering my childhood memories, which are few. I can only recall speaking what I ‘saw’ in my parents’ discordant relationship, and my voice was silenced by their denial. I learned to leave the house and go into the woods or pastures for solace as my observations were decidedly unwelcome.

I have lived my life hearing, from those I loved the refrain of “Oh, you don’t really feel that way!” OR “You are just way too sensitive.”

My most available coping strategy was to numb myself. I began to drink and smoke at age 15. The smoking ceased at age 40. The drinking continued for years, through two marriages, a successful career, running my own businesses and a move to Colorado. It was not until seven years ago that I stopped drinking. The healing began with a tsunami of feelings and lots of confusion.

Luckily, I found a supportive person who has been with me every week for these seven years. The years have opened the door to an explosion of new awarenesses. Many of the insights I unearthed, and the path of this challenging, feeling-full, journey became the fodder for the posts in my

Stories & Pictures blog.

So, what began as painful name calling has become an amazing gift.

The first part of the gift in the mudslinging was two-fold. I realized there was a name for what I have experienced all my life (HSP), as well as gaining an understanding of why I find such comfort by being in nature and with animals.

The most profound piece, by far, was awakening in the dark of night and hearing a loving, reassuring voice saying, “There is nothing wrong with you. You are sensitive.” I believe the voice and what began as pain has been transformed into an immeasurable treasure.

The pieces of the puzzle that I call my life are beginning to fit into place.

*2023 Psychology Today- Dr. Elaine Aron

** Revisiting Vulnerable Narcissism and HSPs – The Highly Sensitive Person