The Costume 12/31/24

I remember, in 1983, hearing that Bear Bryant, the great Alabama football coach, had retired. One month later, he was dead. I also remember wondering if he felt he had lost his identity, and without anything to replace it, it was simply too much to bear.

I wondered if the qualities we value in our self were taken away, would we even know who we are?

I wondered if we each created our costume by adopting the behaviors that would make us lovable, safe, acceptable, and worthy of taking up space on the planet. If we added an education or life skills and draped the costume further in what won us accolades, admiration or success, then we added identity roles, such as parent, partner, grandparent or caregiver, would the costume be who we are?

Looking inward, I had always identified myself as fairly attractive, thin, and ‘healthy as a horse.’ I added an education, some successful business achievements and a couple of other accolades to my cloak. The costume was all belted into place by youthful feelings of invincibility.

What greeted me this morning was a different reality. I awoke feeling my aging body. Stiffness, swollen joints, breathing challenges, excess weight, and wrinkles that would make a dried apple sculpture proud.

Perhaps the invincible costume I created was being shredded to make room for the being who was underneath. Perhaps that is the true meaning of aging – pairing us down to the studs -showing us, we are mortal and vulnerable. And asking what now?

I wonder if we must lose our carefully curated costume in order to claim the authentic essence of our nature. Who we truly are. A complex, mortal human being.

I remember the poet David Whyte saying we are the only species who tries to be other than what we are. A crow doesn’t try to be a hawk. A cow doesn’t strive to be a horse. A dog doesn’t desire to be a cat. They are already living their true nature, their authentic selves. The only difference is they lack the knowledge of their mortality. They lack the artifice we create. They are in the moment, truly, and that is why we love them.

So, as the aging process strips away our costume, what is the true essence that will be revealed? With knowledge of the finite nature of our existence, what will we allow the world to see? Will we have the courage to be vulnerable, to surrender to something greater than our tiny selves? What might that greater self be?

It feels like walking into unknown territory without a coat.

Into a Mystery.

I am certain something will be revealed.